Loving yourself is a crucial part of a happy, fulfilled life. Could you love yourself more? Here’s how to start
WORDS: LISA BURN
Learning To Love Yourself
It’s Valentine’s Day and it seems like the world is in love, yet when it comes to self-love, how many of us even give it a thought? It’s an alien concept to many, perhaps more so to us women. We spend our lives looking after everyone else without sparing a thought for ourselves and our needs; we’re taught to focus on other people from when we’re young, as it’s deemed selfish or conceited to put ourselves first.
“As we grow up, many of us internalise a drive to be productive, to be useful, to please others and to put other people’s needs first,” explains counsellor Georgina Sturmer.
This can lead to people-pleasing behaviour in adulthood – often to our own detriment.
“If we are busy pleasing everyone around us, then it’s likely that we will neglect our own needs,” Georgina continues. “This can lead to having poor self-esteem, a lack of boundaries, and unhealthy relationships.”
Understanding what stops us from loving ourselves is the first step to overcoming this block, whether that’s our inner critic, age-old negative thinking or something else. “Then we can figure out where it comes from, and work towards counteracting it,” says Georgina.
It’s not a quick fix – we’re trying to work through lifelong habits and thought processes – but recognising, acknowledging and deciding to do something about it is a great start. As a first step, try to be kinder to yourself and accept the fact you are just as important as anybody else.
Know Your Worth
Think about how you would speak to a friend if they messed up in some area of their life – you would be compassionate and understanding, probably offering suggestions to help them feel better. Now think about how you talk to yourself when you mess up. Do you offer yourself the same kindness?
“Learning to love ourselves begins with understanding how we value ourselves, our sense of self-worth, and the judgements we make about ourselves,” says Georgina. “It’s then about considering what we need to put in place to ensure we are kind to ourselves.”
This might take the form of boundaries and learning to say no, or simply making choices that satisfy our own wishes and desires, rather
