ADVICE
Healing your past, known as ‘inner child work’, has gone from a niche psychological phenomenon to the mainstream in recent years. But what does it actually involve?
Tori Bell felt stuck. Aged 28, with a relationship and career going nowhere, she shared these feelings with her friends. One suggested trying meditation, and when she found out her workplace offered a weekly class, she decided to give it a go. That class led to a friendship with her meditation instructor, who introduced Bell to the concept of ‘inner child work’. ‘My goal was to find a sense of life purpose, gain more self-confidence and heal past wounds that were holding me back,’ she recalls. ‘At first, it was challenging to face and process my childhood traumas and emotional wounds. I had to confront difficult emotions, such as fear, anger and sadness, but it was necessary to move forwards.’
The process wasn’t easy. Nor was it quick or linear. In fact, inner child work is pretty much the opposite – it’s a lifelong commitment to your personal happiness. By definition, it’s an approach addressing childhood trauma and the triggers that occur throughout adulthood – which can result in anxiety, depression, anger, emotional dysregulation and maladaptive coping, explains psychotherapist Rebecca Solodovnik, founder of the therapy and coaching practice Mindfree Me.
It works in a number of ways. When dealing with a trauma – no matter how big or small – your brain tends to go into survival mode, which excessively engages the nervous system. Inner child work is based on the idea that your past influences your present, so these triggers can affect how you navigate several areas of life, such as your relationships, work and physical health. By addressing them as an adult, you’re learning how to identify, regulate and express any unmet needs that came up during your younger years, says Solodovnik.
The concept is also rooted in the idea that current behaviours may stem from experiences and messages received in childhood. Someone with the long-held belief that they’ll never be good enough, for example, may not care for their health in the way that they deserve. ‘Self-maintenance is a form of self-love,’ says Peace Amadi, author of Why Do I Feel Like This? and psychology professor at Hope International University. ‘You might be self-sabotaging good relationships and opportunities because you feel defective or undeserving,’ she adds.
It’s worth noting that having a ‘good’ childhood doesn’t mean inner child work won’t benefit you. ‘I remind my clients that no one comes out of childhood unscathed,’ says Trish Phillips, a psychologist specialising in developmental trauma, attachment wounds and dissociation. ‘There are no perfect parents or caregivers. So even if there were no big-T traumas, there
