By Judith T. Moskowitz
LOOKING AT THE WORLD AROUND US, happiness may seem an unattainable goal. As we move into the fourth year of a pandemic that has killed millions and continues to threaten health and well-being worldwide, compounded by devastating consequences of climate change, spikes in hate crimes, and continued fallout from systemic oppression and inequality, there seems little reason to be happy. Indeed, results from the 2022 annual Stress in America survey indicate one-third of the respondents report that their stress in the face of these challenges is “overwhelming.”
Simply ignoring or denying stress, or suppressing your negative emotions and pretending everything is just fine, will not lead to enduring happiness. In most cases, negative emotions are, surprisingly, useful— they provide important signals aboutp i our environment and can guide us to an appropriate response. For example, fear signals that you might be in a potentially dangerous situation and you should try to get away; anger may motivate you to confront an injustice. Similarly, overly focusing on pursuing positive emotions like happiness can paradoxically result in less happiness. Really, too much of any emotion in the wrong context will not serve you well. Noticing, recognizing, and labeling your emotions—both the negative and the positive—is associated with better physical health and emotional well-being.
The key to enduring happiness is not to rid your life of negative emotions; instead, the goal is to also experience positive emotions even in the midst of difficulties. This balance can be particularly challenging when times are dark. In my research, I work with people who are experiencing significant life stress, such as diagnosis with a serious disease or caregiving for a loved one with dementia, and teach them skills to increase the positive emotions of the experience alongside the negative. These skills include noticing and savoring positive events, mindful awareness, nonjudgment, gratitude, and acts of kindness, among others. Our research has demonstrated practicing these skills leads to more happiness, even when life seems especially difficult.
One of our study participants who is caring for a family member with dementia described to me how she uses positive emotional skills she learned in our program to cope with the stress of caregiving: “There are days I just want to go and jump in my car and drive and never come back. So I think, ‘OK, I’m grateful for this. I have this, I can do this. I’m resourceful.’” In the past, she says, “I would just be s
