Inner you
Many of us are so overwhelmed that we don’t feel there is ever enough time. Coach Victoria Joy suggests simple ways to set boundaries and carve out a ‘magic hour’ with no demands
If Igifted you a magic hour in a parallel universe – when you had no demands, no responsibilities, no to-do list – how would you spend it? That’s the question I often ask friends and the people I coach or who come to my workshops. Rarely, if ever, can they answer.
So many of us have lost sight of who we really are and how we enjoy spending our time. Instead, we feel like we’re stuck on an endless hamster wheel of to-do lists, time-sucking tasks and people-pleasing, which leaves no space for life’s simple pleasures or moments of joy. One way to take back control and increase self-awareness is to create and set helpful boundaries.
Research shows people who maintain strong boundaries are more compassionate, less prone to insomnia and overthinking, manage stress more effectively and enjoy better relationships. In the words of self-development guru Brené Brown: ‘Compassionate people ask for what they need. They say no when they need to, and when they say yes, they mean it. They’re compassionate because their boundaries keep them out of resentment.’
As for stress management, one US study* proved workers with greater boundary control – such as not working outside paid hours – had reduced stress levels and were less likely to fall into negative rumination.
If you’re feeling depleted, overwhelmed or stuck, know that today is your first opportunity to do things differently. And with some trial-and-error and self-compassion, you can shift the way you spend your time and energy to create space for more joy.
Here are six ways to begin creating stronger, healthier boundaries…
1 DISCOVERDISCOVER YOUR VIPs
Before rushing in with hard-and-fast rules, identify what really matters to you. Often, we lose sight of what is important to us as individuals, instead living life according to what we think should be important, with lots of influence from those closest to us and society at large.
I help people identify what I call VIPs – Very Important Pillars – because getting clarity on those helps underpin all the choices you make, including your boundaries. For example, if you identify friendship as a VIP, then focus on putting in place and prioritising boundaries that protect more time and energy to spend on friendships. What doesn’t make sense is to say or think your priority is health but not have boundaries in place that ensure you’re moving regularly, eating nutritious food or keeping medical appointments.
Some questions that can help you identify your VIPs include: What are you doing when you feel at your best? W
