Do you fester over fall-outs or move on fast? Take our test to find out…
*KOVEMINDS.COM. WORDS: ALI HORSFALL. PHOTOS (POSED BY MODELS): GETTY. IF YOU HAVE CONCERNS ABOUT YOUR HEALTH, SEE YOUR GP.
Bearing a grudge can be unhealthy – you only have to look at Prince Harry and the Royal Family to see how dwelling on hurtful disagreements can lead to poor mental health and unfixable feuds. ‘We know that holding onto anger is a blocker to functioning and growth,’ says clinical psychologist Dr Jenna Vyas-Lee, co-founder of mental healthcare clinic Kove*. ‘Being able to forgive others allows you to take back control in hurtful situations.’
But, we all know that forgiveness isn’t easy when you’re simmering with rage – neither is it about letting others off the hook or being a doormat. Take our quiz to find out how you handle rifts and resentment and get the expert advice so you can move forwards.
Take the test
Circle the answer that sounds most like you…
1 If somebody treats you badly, how do you deal with it?
■ You cut them out of your life.
● You presume you must have caused it somehow.
▲ You’re wary of that person going forward.
◆ You try to focus on their more positive attributes.
2 How do you feel about a big argument that you’ve had in the past?
◆ You refuse to dwell on it – they said sorry.
● Ashamed. You wish you’d handled it better.
▲ You made up with the person, but often think about the row.
■ You’re still furious about it.
3
Do you usually give people second chances?
▲ Yes, it’s important that others are able to make amends.
◆ Always. In fact, you give third and fourth chances too.
● Often. You’re much tougher on yourself than others.
■ Never! Leopards don’t change their spots.
4 When someone apologises for upsetting you, do you…
● Feel as if a big weight has been lifted from your shoulders.
▲ Appreciate the gesture.
■ Refuse to believe that they’re really sorry.
◆ Feel fuzzy and warm inside.
5 How would you go about repairing an important relationship after an argument?
◆ Beg to reconcile – no matter who caused the damage.
■ Wait for the other person to grovel to you.
▲ Agree to disagree and get back to normal.
● Try to communicate your role in the rift.
How did you score?
MOSTLY ■
You hold a grudge
Being wronged by someone makes your blood boil, and you want them to pay for it – even years later! Feeling vengeful is a natural response in the face of hurt, but it’s essential to let go of anger. ‘Over time, negative feelings hold consequences for us as we get locked in cycles of bitter feelings,’ says Dr Vyas-Lee. ‘Forgiveness moves us away from the victim role, gives us a sense of control, certainty and peace of mind.’
✱ HOW TO HEAL Trapped in the
